Yahweh : The God Who Grew Up

What better deity to begin this installment with than the God of the Bible?

The evolution of Yahweh is the most remarkable and impressive of any supreme being yet worshiped by the human psyche. On the crest of psychological, sociopolitical, sociological and literary mechanisms, Yahweh has graduated from a god of the Hebrews to the God of the Hebrews to the God of two religions, Judaism and Christianity, and the God of the western world. Initially a storm god or "god of the atmosphere," Yahweh has come a long way and is now the God of the cosmos whose original name is interchangeable with the general moniker "God."

Most people who believe in God and who at the same time accept Christianity don't even know the Anglicized proper noun for God: Yahweh, yet they still worship Him because they essentially accept the Bible to be true.

Generally, Western God-believers who cross-culturally accept Yahweh as their one and only God also are ignorant of his original status as one of many gods in a system of Jewish polytheism. Eventually, the other Gods in the Hebrew pantheon were rejected and Yahweh kept.

Yahweh, also sometimes spelled as "Yahveh," "Jehovah," "YHVH," and "JHVH," was the chosen god of the Jews and only the Jews. "You only have I known of all the families of the earth," is what Amos 3:2 tells us. Yahweh-worshipers normally assume the Judeo-Christian system has always been monotheistic since it has the most prominent monotheism around, but history and research tell us this is not true about Yahweh.

The Jews can have Him, thank you. No God has ever been more capricious or unstable. He even abused his own chosen people the Heebs. Therefore, He is a God who cannot be trusted. Here are a couple of examples: "And there came out a fire from the Lord, and consumed the two hundred and fifty men that offered incense." (Numbers 16:35) "And the Lord sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people, so that many people of Israel died." (Numbers 21:6). "A noise shall come even to the ends of the earth, for the Lord hath a controversy with the nations, he will plead with all flesh; he will give them that are wicked to the sword sayeth the Lord." (Jeremiah 25:31)

What a fickle fucking God.

Why is Yahweh so nasty? Why the bad attitude? Can anyone say "Revenge"? Revenge by the Heebs against their former captors the Babylonians and Canaanites, for starters, might be a logical answer. As comedian George Carlin said, one of BibleGod's favorite things to do was "Smite," and in truth it was the priests and the people who wished to smite those who had enslaved them. They were poor losers.

Yahweh repeatedly broke his own commandments and instructed, yea, ordered his own chosen people to break them as well. Well, actually Yahweh didn't break his own commandments because He never actually commanded Himself to follow them, but if you give someone else commandments it's academic that you think them worthy to follow yourself...

Yahweh's attitude was despicable. "I'm God. You're not. So fuck you. I'm God, you're not, so fuck you. I'm the Most High of the chosen race, so fuck you." Holy shit, why don't you Hebrews just rub it in?! Why don't you make all us Gentiles feel like shit? What a motherfucker of a God....

Yahweh was an insecure God. Symptomatic of this are the hundreds of verses which repeat "I Am Who I Am," "I Am the Most High," "I Am the Lord," "I Am the Lord thy God," et cetera, fucking et cetera. Okay, you're fucking God. Why do you have to keep repeating yourself? For a God, you're pretty fucking unstable. Actually, the reason for so much repetition was the priesthood behind the God. They were reminding everyone under control that they were the Most High potentates. God was simply a projection of their ego and their power.

He/They kept everyone guessing. They had ordinary powerless Hebrew citizens in constant suspense by continuously breaking promises and covenants via the mouth of JHVH and by threatening to renege on promises which kept them hopeful for a brighter future. For instance, God promised the Heebs a land of milk and honey. Later, He (the priesthood) threatened to decline leading them to it after all. For another instance, JHVH made an early promise to bless and be nice to his chosen race by ensuring they would fuck like rabbits and multiply to be as the sands of the sea, then threatened to destroy them and actually did destroy them in many episodes. The unfortunate Hebrew rabble were always on edge, and the priests'/Yahweh's jerking them around was surely purposeful. Purposeful in the same way elitist propagandists have jerked around Americans since the World War I era. That's priestcraft for ya, ancient and modern.

Like the priests, for whom Yahweh was a formidable power tool, biblical prophets revered God and babbled incessantly in his favor. The prophet Jeremiah had a hard-on for Him: "Thus says the Lord: 'Learn not the way of the nations, nor be dismayed at the signs of the heavens because the nations are dismayed at them, for the customs of the peoples are false...There is none like thee, oh Yahweh; thou art great, and thy name is great in might. Who would not fear thee, O King of the nations? For this is thy due; for among all the wise ones of the nations and in all their kingdoms there is none like thee. They are both stupid and foolish; the instruction of idols is but wood!...But Yahweh is the true God." (Jeremiah 10:2-3, 6-8, 10)

Spoken like a true fanatic. Like someone who puts mental comforts and self-assurance ahead of human well-being. Unfortunately, just like Jeremiah, many people in today's world have a hard-on for God.

Thank goodness that "Yahweh" is only a word and not a real deity. And as a word, it has perhaps more etymological complexity and legacy than any other God-name.

"Historically, the word 'Jehovah' is a semantic accident. As the Hebrews considered the name Yahveh too sacred to be uttered, they used the words Adonai and Elohim instead, and in writing, added the vowel signs of these words to the consonants YHVH. In due time these were mistaken for parts of the word itself and so YHVH became Jehovah." - From Deceptions And Myths of the Bible, by Lloyd M. Graham.

Additionally, the initial "Yahweh" utterance was alleged to be unpronouncable, and many gullible God-dists vouch for this by saying it's proof Yahweh is the genuine article among Gods, the real deal.

The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob was gradually accepted as the God of the Gentiles as well. Originally, however, He was not even accepted by his own chosen race. As usual, the Hebrews borrowed a theme from a neighboring culture. "The contention that Yahweh was of Arabian origin is clearly in accord with the Old Testament records." (Joseph Campbell in Occidental Mythology). So, those famous borrowers and plagiarists the ancient Hebrews couldn't even come up with their own God but had to steal one or adopt one, whichever angle you want to take, from another civilization. They somehow instilled this predilection for trans-cultural osmosis into humans in the Western/New World, to the point that it now seems hereditary, genetic and automatic.

Yes, an impressive evolution indeed. From a tribal God of one desert tribe to the God worshiped in every hemisphere. The great mythologist Campbell has more to say about this transmogrification: "On a primitive level there is no requirement, or even possibility, that a local tribal god should be regarded as lord of the entire world. Each group has simply its own lawgiver and patron; the rest of the world - if there is such a thing - can take care of itself, under its own gods; for each people is supposed to have a divine lawgiver and patron of its own. We call such thought monalatry. And accordingly, during the first long and terrible phase of the Israelite occupation of Canaan, Yahweh was conceived simply as a tribal god more powerful than the rest.

"The next epochal phase of the biblical development occurred when the god so regarded became identified with the god-creator of the universe. No nation of all those on earth but Israel could then claim to know and worship, or to be the concern of, this one true God of all."

The romanticism of Yahweh does not match that of more adventurous deities like those of the Greeks. It's hard to become too romanticized if you don't even have sex, which Yahweh never did in holy texts but instead created life asexually. However, Yahweh fought dragons and sea monsters, thereby making a small contribution to the heroic aspect of mythology.

The myth of Yahweh can be reduced to His egregious, overt attributes: jealousy, vindictiveness and bloodlust. The body count is in the millions at his expense. Anyone who doesn't believe this can simply start with Genesis 7 and estimate the number of Flood victims, then continue all the way through the Old Testament and even all the way to the end of Revelation at the end of the Bible and keep a tally of casualties as he or she goes. With a half a million dead souls in one homicidal fit of rage at a time, the numbers add up fast. As the sage Noam Chomsky has observed, "The Bible is the most genocidal book ever written." And the priests who invented Yahweh made sure that He was the protagonist in most of that genocide, both directly and indirectly.

This enduring mythical deity is obviously a product of primitive consciousness. It is obviously not the God of the cosmos, because the God of the cosmos would not be preoccupied with one race on one planet. The sects which lovingly and fearfully adopted and pushed Him, though, would logically be preoccupied as such.

Ruefully, the sad reality is that although Yahweh is a product of fertile priestcraft six millennia ago leading a bewildered, frightened people whose primitive minds were not blessed with scientific knowledge to offset the fanciful and supernatural, "He" has still been worshiped by billions and many of these billions have done horrible things in His name. That He is non-existent is besides the point. That many have taken his attributes to heart and overreacted is the point.

Therefore, what the world needs now is a new God - a more humanistic and benevolent one, or better yet, no Gods at all.

Personal Resume and Data Sheet


Place Of Residence: Heaven
Aliases/Other Names
Worked Under:

God, The Man Upstairs, JHVH, Jah, I Am, The Big Cheese, The Big Man, The Almighty, Your Maker

Infanticide, maiming, slaughter, genocide promise-breaking, destruction of own creation, smelling burnt offerings, fucking with people
Criminal Record: None
Work Experience: Drowning of millions of human beings and even more animals during Great Flood; creation of the universe including its focal point Planet Earth in a mere six days; massacre of many peoples;destruction of many cultural and intellectual achievements; torture and extinction of human beings by various and sundry methods including hugemongous hailstones and poisonous snakes, plagues of fire, plagues of smelly frogs, pestilence and diseases invented then introduced to Earth; consignment of people to Purgatory and Hell for long periods of time
Children: One (son)
Spouse: None
Qualifications: Experience with: rape, pillage and plunder; proven talent for punishing, lying, deceiving, trickery and chicanery, ignoring prayers, discrimination against women and handicapped, damnation, making deals with the Devil, instigation of confusion and chaos, creation of evil, transference of monarchical system to Planet Earth, repetitive squelching of democracy and dissent, instilling disillusionment and a multitude of psychoses,manufacture of psychopaths, inspiration of sociopaths to carry on divine work on Earth, invention and perpetuation of capitalism and other forms of exploitation
Personal References: The Pope (every one of them), Noah, Adolf Hitler, Genghis Khan, The Reverend Jim Jones, George H. Bush, George W. Bush, Ronald Reagan, most other American presidents dedicated to imperialism like chosen Hebrew race, other potentates around globe, Job, Lucifer, Satan, Oral Roberts