Ezekiel 4/Malachi 2

We consult Revelation for The Book's eschatology, but we turn to Zeke and Mal for its scatology. Hence the combination of two chapters from two different books in the sub-heading. Scatologically related cousins deserve to be in the same commentary.

The ShitGod commands his prophet Ezekiel to bake shitbread for human consumption. If the Bible is inspired and Zeke obeyed orders, shitbread is acceptable.

Sorry, Christians, I'll stay with wheat bread and cornbread.

How anyone can worship a God who smears fecal matter all over people's faces is beyond me. But that's what God threatens in Malachi 2:3.

Whether the shit is for-real, odious shit or whether it's symbolic, odorless shit is beside the point. Just read these verses yourself and learn about the ShitGod.

Ezekiel's fate wasn't quite as bad. At least God treated him to dried shit, a/k/a dung, which wouldn't be quite as bad as fresh, undried shit.

One thing the Bible does give us is some famous phrases. And I bet money this is where the phrase "holy shit" came from. Ezekiel or Malachi are also undoubtedly the sources of "Eat shit and die!"

If you want to worship a God who makes people eat shit, you go right ahead. But I prefer not to...

Ezekiel 5:7-17

Like so many passages of The Babble, this passage is fucked up in more than one way.

Ah, the levels of meaning are so profound in this book. Its richness of instruction and significance to our daily lives never cease to amaze. Its multiple layers of lessons which can be learnt are so edifying.

I could expound on all the hideous aspects of this passage for hours, but I'll just focus on three in particular.

Number one, a supposedly good God promises evil actions.

Number two, a supposedly perfect and truthful God makes promises which He's never kept (He hasn't ever done all these things to the children of Israel, has He?).

Number three, He vows all manner of punishment to the race He's alleged to favour!

After a blast of carnage and consummation of bloodlust, Yahweh is comforted, as if licking his lips and relishing the moment. He is comforted, but not comforted enough, for He experiments with other methods of destruction in verses 14 through 17...

If this is the way God treats His own chosen people, what's the point in being chosen? I'm glad I'm not in that select in-group.

I Samuel
II Samuel